The new balance of work and fatherhood

Trying for a baby

I’ve recently hit the big 4 0, and if I told myself five years ago that I would now be the proud father of two kids, then I just don’t think I would believe myself, let alone imagine the logistics. Traveling back to five years ago, we were deep into Lockdown 1 and trying to understand what this ‘new normal’ was due to the Covid pandemic, and how it was changing processes across the globe. Yet the world didn’t stand still; people still needed to work and continue business as usual. Well, as normal as we all could.

Spending most of my youth living in, being educated and working in London, I wasn’t focusing on creating a family but instead focusing on my career. My wife and I did speak about starting a family from time to time, but we just couldn’t work out how we could ever start a family; the logistics alone of nursery or school drop-offs and pick-ups were an aspect that baffled us, especially still trying to tackle the daily commute into London from Hampshire. When the opportunity came up to be a part of a company that valued a family life and work life balance, joining Salt was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Being a remote worker really changed my wife’s and my mind about the possibility of becoming parents, and it allowed us to start really thinking and planning for this possibility. But not all plans go as you intend, and this was the case in our journey to conceive. We unfortunately had a miscarriage in our first pregnancy at 10 weeks, and it was rough for both our mental health. We envisaged having the stereotypical sharing of the joy of life after the 12-week scan on social media, but instead we recoiled away from sharing anything about our misfortune. Even to our own family.

After a bit of time to heal, we then continued to try again. We were successful again in conceiving, but this time my wife didn’t tell me that she was pregnant in the early weeks. Later she told me it was because of the fear of a miscarriage happening again. She waited, and on Christmas Day I was meant to unbox a gift-wrapped successful pregnancy test. Unfortunately, instead we suffered our second miscarriage. It was gutting, and it was yet another thing we processed together. It wasn’t until meeting up with some family, and enjoying a drink over the festive holidays that my father-in-law asked me if I was ever thinking about having kids. This question broke me, right there and then. It was the moment that me and my wife first spoke to our family about the previous miscarriages – and it was in some way a real relief, especially on our mental health. Talking about miscarriage is such a taboo subject, and after this point in my life, I felt a lot better talking openly about it. I found it healthier to express aspects of it with family, colleagues and friends, as it then allowed for more meaningful conversations and connections with others.

Fast forward a year, and we found ourselves again sitting in a private clinic for an early scan. It was the first time I witnessed a tiny heartbeat on a monitor. It was a moment of relief and joy as past pain washed away. All along our pregnancy this time, we had multiple scans, as my wife was closely monitored. The NHS provided us with a great level of care along the way, and every scan we had I got to see more of my future son. It was truly magical seeing everything along the way and probably wouldn’t have been possible if I was always commuting into London without a flexible working setup.

Birth of baby

After the birth of my son, I felt myself catapulted into a whole new world of information and responsibilities. It was a lot to take in at the time, from volume of feeds, wake windows, sleeping patterns and helping support my wife. After two weeks of being in a bubble of unimaginable joy and sleep deprivation, I was back to work like normal. It was a very odd feeling at first, as I was now a father and had a little human to be responsible for nurturing and developing. Yet, at the same time, still trying to perform to the best of my abilities at work, whilst running on minimal sleep. During this period my wife was trying to breastfeed and breast pump, so I could help with feedings and she could get some level of rest. Sadly, my wife struggled with breast pumping, and this had a knock-on effect on her mental state, making her constantly question if she was failing as a mother, and as a woman. This all brought up the original emotional stresses of our miscarriage before, and the constant feeling of failure.

Our son also suffered from extremely bad reflux. We can look back on it now and laugh, but there were times we had to feed him sitting on the sofa with a towel underneath us, and we were wearing minimal clothing, because we both knew we would be covered in milky sick by the end of the feed. This was a testing time for us both, as we also had the reality of me being a remote worker, whilst still being around to help and support my wife.

After a while we started to get into the swing of things, constantly adapting along the way, as babies develop quickly into little people. I also realised that I was and am in a very privileged spot to be able to witness the developmental milestones of my son. From witnessing his first roll over, his first giggles, him being able to crawl, his first steps and his first words. These are aspects of his life that I will neither take for granted, nor forget, as I feel so connected to him and his upbringing. It has been a joy to watch him develop every single day, and I wouldn’t have had this opportunity if I was still in the daily commute. This was something that was really brought home to me by talking with parents of older children, who would be out the front door before their child was awake in the morning, to just making it home in time for bedtime stories.

Again, being able to be a part of a company and team that allow me to be able to be present as a father, whilst staying professional means the world to me.

Birth of baby, the sequel

So, as of no surprise, and as I stated before, I have been fortunate enough to have a second child. Another boy. Yep, here we are again, yet this time me and my wife are now juggling life with two boys under two years old. I feel like I’ve jumped back into my favourite computer game and selected hard mode. Yet this time round, my wife and I are far more informed and less scared of it all. I guess having a second boy made it a little bit easier, as it does seem all like a repeat – but thankfully with less reflux vomit.

We now find ourselves remembering when our first son was at these initial milestones yet looking and talking with our now toddler about his younger brother. It’s an odd frame of mind to be in but looking back I feel like these early days were a blur. A blissful blur though, and one I also have photographed and captured along the way. Being able to see them both grow and develop daily has been and is magical.

Even though I’m juggling fatherhood and work like many others, I do feel like an area of my life has been unlocked. Don’t get me wrong, I have always had a childlike sense of humour and curiosity – and this is probably a factor that has kept me so heavily involved in the arts. But now being able to express creativity with two small mini-me individuals is a blessing. I look forward to and am excited for the future. Being able to be present for my children whilst working is a luxury. A luxury that some other parents don’t experience.

I want to thank Chris Tredwell and Kath Cotton at Salt for initially hiring me as their second full-time employee, without this change to remote working, none of this would’ve been possible for me. It’s also humbling to work with a small yet mighty team and share these moments with each other. It shows how workplaces can (and should) adapt to support the complex lives of their employees, allowing them to embrace openness and compassion, both at home and at work, this is what I feel has led to more meaningful human connection.

I’ve come to realise that fatherhood isn’t something you slot around the edges of work – it reshapes how you see the world, how you prioritise, and how you show up each day. Being part of a team that recognises the value of flexibility, empathy, and humanity has made all the difference. It’s not just about having time to witness my children’s firsts – it’s about being truly present for them, and for myself. The balance between work and fatherhood is never perfect, but when your workplace meets you with trust and understanding, you find your rhythm. And for that, I’m immensely grateful.

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